What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
