I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
