i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
