Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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