I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
