and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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