best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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