I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
