all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
