so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
