I want to walk on stilts...naked
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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