I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize