is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Randomize
