rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
