What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
