I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
