Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
