Yo dont text me then not text me
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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