all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
