I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
