why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
