"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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