Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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