It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
