i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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