Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
