Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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