your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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