I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize