They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
