guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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