i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We are all done wearing pants today
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
