Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
