There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
its not stalking. its research.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
