I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
