I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My nipple is on Facebook.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
