y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize