3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
