You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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