He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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