i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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