i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
how drunk are you?
Several
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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