It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
