honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
