this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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