What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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