Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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