nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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