That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
