It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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