we made out on top of his cat.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
