And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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