masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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