So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize