So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize