I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
