You made me cry and you don't even care
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize