I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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