Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Houston, we have a blender
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
