apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
