dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
