I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
