I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize