Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she looked like the before picture.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
