butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
