You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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